Nice lighting in my study room.
Today’s word intros with the signification of instantaneous reaction, anger and dissatisfaction. It was a friend of mine who arose to this moment, hurting! Only my wanting were for his lack of yearning of loving and living that there is to acknowledge. How could someone so intelligent be ignorant to the world around him? I ask myself this of most people in my life. What is to have the right to govern and master the concept of living, when one is not living it. This doesn’t make sense, its just another weird thing about life, I guess.
Dear Dumb Thoughts and Feelings,
I have to much of both, like a drunkenness luring me to a fantasy of loath, I want the pleasure but I also want the hope, what is that brings this confusion to wanting both of you. Sometimes I wonder, will I truly love, or is it just a feeling that my parents once hoped of? Can I love or am I just horny as fuck?
The most interesting thing about me is that I am the definition of a contradiction. My mind changes so often with every thought or situation, that I can’t even keep up. I’m a little crazy I guess. I have learned many things by being this way, and in a way it has made me wise, at least I like to think so. But I am still young, only 20, and I forget that. I lack many experiences that come with age, but I always seem to force maturity in myself. Honestly I’m not sure why. My mind tells me one thing, while my actions tell me another. Generally I am okay being this way, if I am looking at it selfishly, but I understand how terribly confusing this can be for someone else. I respect that. I am a mess, but I am working on it.
The reason for my solidarity, is for the pondering of the emotions that I experience. When I experience an emotion without any acknowledgment of what they are, or the exact reason of its derivative, it scares me, anything that I don’t know scares me. I prefer to learn and listen. I like that. I am a viewer, as of now. I learn from the best to reach my success, I want success, I want fame and I want those to respect me for my accomplishments. Just watch me, I’ll make a difference. Who said weed made you in different of these things….